Birth Mother

I’m pregnant…but I’m not the kind of person I thought would ever be a birth mom – Who really is a Birth
Mom?
By: Olivia Espinosa
The word “adoption” may be coming into a more favorable light, but the label of “birth mother” can still
be looked upon with judgment and stigma. Hollywood has tried many times to depict adoption and
birth mothers and so often failed. There may be those who look upon birth mothers and will question
their decision, but in reality, birth mothers are a group of people who could not be stronger or more
loving. Birth mothers are also a group where the commonality of this intense and sacrificial love is one
of the only commonalities. The stigma and stereotypes about birth mothers being a “certain type of
person” needs to be dispelled.
For some people, “birth mothers” may automatically mean “pregnant teenager”. Others might think of a
“pregnant junkie”. Finally, the labels “irresponsible” and “giving up” may be assigned to this population
as well. This could not be farther from the truth. As an adoption agency, we have walked alongside
women more often in their 20s and 30s who are making a loving adoption plan as well as teenagers. We
work with women who struggle with the cycle of substance abuse and poverty as well as women who
are fully employed with housing, already parenting other children, and financially stable. Birth mothers
who come to our agency are of all ethnic backgrounds as well. We have seen birth families show an
immense amount of support for the birth mother making the courageous decision, while other families
may make comments such as “we don’t do ‘adoption’ in our family”. In the later situation, we come
around the birth mother many times as a sort of family and support system if she chooses to move
forward regardless of outside input. You could be the most “put together” person and come to the
conclusion you are not in a place mentally, physically, financially, etc. where you feel parenting is the
best decision for you and your baby. You could be the most “un-put together” person and come to that
same conclusion. The external factors notwithstanding, it is still your decision to make given your own
unique position. This decision should be made in a non-pressured and safe space.
Hopeful Beginnings offers that space in a special way as we view our birth mothers as family. We are a
small, but mighty adoption agency that offers a more personalized approach. As a birth mother, you can
expect to be warmly welcomed as you explore and talk through your options with your birth parent
counselor in whatever environment choose (ex. Our office, a nearby park, your home). Your
confidentiality will be our first priority. You will not “just be a number or case”, but our birth mother
who we respect. We will follow your cues and leading as you feel comfortable. Regardless of your
decision, we will uphold your right to choose. The follow-up counseling available to birth mothers at our
agency is also individualized to a birth mother’s needs after the adoption. Open adoption is supported
and encouraged by Hopeful Beginnings, keeping in mind birth mother’s wishes of course. This means
our staff can help you navigate selecting and meeting an adoptive family as well as building a trusting
relationship with them for the purposes of continued regular contact between you and your child. Many
times our birth mothers still reach out to our staff years after placing their child for adoption. This is
often to share pictures of their children and revel in the beauty of their relationship with the child and
adoptive family. We hope this gives you a glimpse of what true birth mothers look like and the kind of
services you could receive at Hopeful Beginnings.